Choosing Grace

It’s a hard day. We have gone almost 6 weeks and only had sex once. I am sad, frustrated, lonely. There are layers upon layers of reasons why we haven’t had sex, maybe one day I will get into them all. But today, today I am leaning heavily on grace. Or perhaps, I should say, I need to be.

When I don’t have sex for so long I find myself…well, becoming a bit of a b****. The truth is that sometimes I want my husband to hurt as bad as I hurt. So I find myself doing little unkind things. Not answering his questions kindly. Being snarky, sometimes downright rude. Last night our littlest woke up in the middle of the night. I was tired, and super grumpy. My husband tried to help, but I completely ignored him…even pulled away from him when he tried to reach for my arm.
When I don’t have sex, I am a worse mom. More impatient.

The thing is, it’s time yet again for another “sex talk”. Where I ask him why we haven’t had sex, where I ask him to please pursue me sexually. But I am avoiding it. We have had so many of those. So, so many. And my heart is just plain weary.
But weary or not, sexually satisfied or not, my choices belong completely to me. So if I choose to be unkind, then its my sin. Irregardless of his actions, my responses belong to me alone.

Oh, it is SO HARD to walk in grace when I am angry and hurting.

Will you pray for me today? I will pray for you too, whoever you are. GRACE. The ability to receive it and give it…give out of the Endless Source.

Thanks for your prayers today,

9 thoughts on “Choosing Grace

  1. Many prayers and thanks for yours. I love my husband more than i can describe and the hirt of veing rejected is almost unbearable but he is now (through the grace of God) showing his affection in other ways and i am trying to learn to be more accepting of his comfort level and happiness.

  2. WOW WOW WOW. I am in complete disbelief, but grateful. I just so happened to stumble across your blog and you are ME! I have been struggling with the same, exact issue. I am also a mom, and a young (early 20’s) wife. I also get so bitter and remorsful towards my husband. I read everywhere that men are more sexually hungry than women, but I tend to wonder if something is wrong with my husband. He does not have any kind of low drive or difficulty, but he never pursues me. Like you, this topic has been brought up and is old and tiring…and now- useless. Nothing changes. I am learning to be more kind; unconditionally. I still cater to him and my son and I try my best to keep myself up (grommed, eating healthy). It has even gotten to the point where I don’t even want him if he were to ask. I need to connect emotionally…I long for that connection. We don’t argue and we are a great team. I do love him, but I just don’t know what to do. I am grateful that I ran across your blog. God bleas you. We will pray for each other.

    • Marie,

      Thank you for being open & honest with your struggle. I am praying for you right now, believing that God will uphold you & give you strength and encouragement. Check back often as I hope to continue to share things that will be helpful…of course, I am “preaching to myself” as much as anyone! This is a hard, hard journey to walk & and I am glad to have friends in it.


  3. I get really cranky and short tempered when I go without, too. My children feel it. I’ve learned that it is not so much the lack of sex that gets me cranky as it is the anger, disappointment, resentment, feelings of inadequacy and feelings of no worth.

    Now, things have turned around, but this last weekend even though we had sex twice, I did not get to climax either time. He’s gone away for work until the holidays and I’m trying not to be upset that he didn’t take the time to make sure his wife was left behind completely satisfied. But, I’m finding that it is not so much missing out on the big O that’s got me worked up as the fear that it’ll go back to how it was…infrequent sex where he never brought me to O. The Lord, through this all, keeps telling me to TRUST HIM!

  4. I’m not sure if I am technically a “high-drive” spouse. I would LOVE to have sex every single day. But it is not necessarily a physical desire.. more of an emotional/ spiritual desire. My husband denies me sometimes when I try to initiate. I told him that I would like to have sex at least 2-3 times a week.. and we are still working on that. We have sex at least a few times a month now, so I fortunately wouldn’t really consider myself in a ‘sex-poor’ marriage. But it seems whenever we do have sex, it’s always a ‘quicky’. [edited by admin] I can’t remember right off the last time we actually took the time and honestly made love. I guess I just want so much more of what I know is a wonderful blessing/ gift from God. I know my husband is dealing with some things (job issues, depression..) so I try to be understanding of that. I know that it’s not because he doesn’t find me desireable, or that he doesn’t care about my needs. So I just need to keep being patient, loving and respectful towards him. And pray.. we always need to keep praying!

    • Nellie,

      I would say that you are probably a “high-drive” spouse. Usually needing and wanting sex daily is a fairly good indicator. That & the fact that your husband isn’t as driven as you are. Welcome to being a “spicy” wife 🙂 I will be praying for your marriage & believing that you will find grace & hope. I LOVE your perspective on your attitude of patience, love & respect. That is truth!

      Indeed, let’s keep praying.

  5. I just came across your blog recently and wanted to start reading from the begining, and man oh man, I cannot tell you how much I can relate. I know the pain you were feeling this day, I deal with it a lot also. I will pray for you through this journey, and I want to thank you for being so very vunerable and down right honest, I know it’s probably one of the hardest things to be so honest with complete strangers But it’s a great help to thousands going through the same thing. I will be following from now on. Thank you so very much! Many prayers coming your way!

    • Jennifer,

      Welcome to the good, bad & ugly that is this blog. And welcome to the community of spicy wives. You aren’t alone, and God knows exactly where you are & what you need. Praying for your marriage & your heart today.

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