I am more susceptible to an affair right now than I have ever been.
Ouch. How challenging was it to type something that honest? Very.
But I am FIGHTING for my marriage. And in order to do so, I absolutely MUST be honest with myself. Right now I have two children under the age of 2 in the house. I am a full-time stay-at-home mom. My marriage is sexually-hungry. I feel completely unattractive. I am challenged to find my worth in Christ rather than in what I do (and our culture does not prize the SAHM very highly, let me tell you). A few weeks ago my (wonderful) counselor told me that statistics show that the more preschool-aged children in the house, the lower the marital satisfaction is. Add that to the fact that I am high desire wife who doesn’t have sex as often as I wish (or even need), and I am a prime target for the enemy of my soul.
I want to encourage you to be very aware of how vulnerable you are in your marriage. Especially if your sex life is under attack. If sex is the superglue of marriage, then a sexless or sex-poor marriage is not very strong. That doesn’t mean there isn’t Divine Strength to walk pure. It just means you have to be very, very aware of the ways the Enemy might attack.
As high desire women we have to be diligent to guard ourselves. So what if your low desire friends don’t have to do any of this stuff? Don’t compare, just do what you need to do to stay safe.
Here are a few things that I personally have to avoid:
1. Extensive hours on Facebook. Everyone else’s life can look amazing and I tend to compare. Which makes me even more discontent and angry , which = dangerous. Not to mention that connecting with an “old flame” or high school sweetheart has led to many an affair. Just say no to those friend requests. Or unfriend them if you need to. It is worth it to guard your marriage.
2. Any pictures of guys that are strong and handsome. Doubly so if they are shirtless. A few weeks ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs & the blogger posted a picture of her husband putting together a bed. He was fully dressed, it wasn’t even a provocative picture. It’s a home improvement blog, for goodness sake! But I found myself following the curve of his forearm and thinking how strong he looked. I immediately had to repent and get off that blog. As a high desire wife, my lack of sex gives me no excuse to go looking. You know all that “bouncing of the eyes” that is taught to men everywhere? It’s our turn to apply it, ladies.
3. Long conversations (or sometimes even short conversations) with men who are wonderful, kind, thoughtful..etc. You get the idea. Pretty much any man who makes me wish I was still single, or who I think I could be good friends with, I avoid. I am not rude, I just am not especially kind. If I do have any extended conversations (i.e. over a few minutes long), it is usually with my husband present. Case in point, there was a certain guy who I knew that I could be good friends with. I was presented with an opportunity to work together with this guy for a charity event, and I had to turn it down. A few months later this same man left his wife for a woman he was having an affair with. I am not fooled into thinking that couldn’t have been me. He was fun, good-looking, and our personalities played perfectly off each other. He was prime target #1 to avoid, and I knew it. I am so, so grateful I did.
4. Any romance book at all. We are not even talking 50 Shades of PreAffair SexDriveBoosting Lust or whatever. Even Francine River’s Redeeming Love (i.e. a Christian romance novel) can be too much for me. When I am especially weak, any romance can be a gateway drug to so much more. I got caught once in a cycle of reading unhealthy romance novels. I lived vicariously through these women. And I got so, so dissatisfied with my own lot in life. I urge you, run away from line – don’t try and see how close you can come without being burned.
What about you? How do you guard the purity in your marriage? What do you have to avoid?
On Monday I will be talking about what things to do to in order to help guard purity in marriage. We don’t just need to walk away from the Enemy, but we need to build some solid walls that will help protect us.
Pray for me today. Pray that I stay strong and avoid the pitfalls that are so cleverly laid. I will pray for you too. Pray that you have eyes to see. Pray that you have the strength to say no.
Until next time ladies,