One of the things my husband has taught me to love is a good question. Asked correctly, with an intention of truly knowing the answer, a question has the potential to be life-changing. So I want you to know that I welcome any questions you might have. I can’t promise I will know the answer, but I will love “sitting in the question”, pondering and finding truth with you amazing women.
I wanted to tackle a question that was recently asked on one of my posts : “I’m wondering why our sex lives can’t be like those we see on TV, movies, Hollywood style? Am I the only women watching that love scene thinking “man, I would love my husband to do that!” Doesn’t scripture portray a steamy sex life in the Song of Solomon?”
Here are my thoughts:
Of course you aren’t the only one wishing your husband could be more like a man in the movies who is making incredible love to a woman! As higher drive wives, our hearts long for that “knight in shining armor” who will be an amazing lover that pursues us, thinks we are beautiful, and makes our voices sing with the intensity of sex we are having. Often. Like, maybe, every day.
The problem is that this wish is fraught with dangers. First, it’s based on a lie. When we begin to feed our God-given sexual desires with images that are not true, we will reap discontented, dissatisfied, frustrated marriage beds. Hollywood lies. Those sex scenes you see are not real. They are fabricated, musically enticing, perfectly blocked out scenes that are meant to arouse. They are meant to entertain. They are meant to entice your heart and mind. Your sex life can’t be like Hollywood because what you are seeing isn’t actually a sex life. It’s a fabrication of one.
Second, our desire for our husbands must be for them, alone. It is a dangerous road to walk down to compare them to an unrealistic, unreachable falsification of a man. God has given you one man – your own husband – to see, pursue, love, accept, cheer on. In fact, the Bible clearly warns against desiring something we don’t have. It’s called “coveting” – and the 10th commandment states that we should not covet anything anyone else has – including their husband, boyfriend, lover, etc. (Ex 20:17) And while this is rarely talked about in Christendom, coveting is a sin written about much in the New Testament, and it comes with a deadly price (Col 3:5; Romans 1:28-29; II Tim 3:1-2). So when we began to want a sex life (however false) portrayed by Hollywood, we are, in essence, coveting something not ours.
Now, I confess that as a higher drive wife, I must be so, so careful with what I allow my eyes to see. Sex scenes in movies, even if they are rather “tame” can get my engines revved up very easily. And while this may not be the case with you, I find it is hard to separate desiring the sexual encounter I am seeing with wishing my husband could be “more like” the incredibly attractive, amazing lover I am seeing portrayed. But does it matter? For both of these desires are sin. Both of them are damaging to my relationship with God and my husband.
Finally, about the Song of Solomon. What a scandalous and wonderful book! I remember clearly being so entertained by trying to find all the “naughty” words in it when I was a child in a boring church service.
Breasts!! Augh!! I found the word breasts!!
That song does indeed paint a beautiful picture of married sex. But we must be cautious here – the picture painted by this song is not only of married sex, but of married love. The desire the bride has is for her own beloved. Her eyes are for him alone. Her desire is for him, and his for her. Each has found their delight in the one God has given them. Their sexual encounters are overarching with a deep love for one another.
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. (SS 8:6)
Be jealous for your marriage bed, dear sisters. Guard it with a strong seal of love. Let nothing in that would water it down, or cause discontent. Fight for a pure love.
What are your thoughts about this? Do you struggle, like me, to keep a pure heart in this sex-saturated world? Do you see desiring Hollywood sex as covetousness? I would love your thoughts.
I am praying for you today, dear friends. Praying that you would let your life be shaped by the Scripture, molded by the love of God. Praying truth and life into dark and desolate places. Praying that you would have eyes to see and ears to hear. Pray for me too. Pray that I would also face dark and hurting places in my heart. Pray that I would grow more like Christ when I want to be selfish and small. Pray that I would have words to speak that would bring life. I need your prayers.
P.S. The giveaway for Sheila Gregoire’s book “31 Days to Great Sex” is still going on. Come on over and comment for a chance to win! Ends December 8, 2012 at midnight.