I have been thinking a lot about you ladies recently, and praying the Lord would continue to give me the words to write that would be helpful & life-giving. I have been working on a post on some ideas of how to seduce your lower-drive husband, but it just wasn’t quite put together this morning & so it will have to wait for another day (soon!). Writing about sex is hard, by the way. How much is too much? How do I write in a way that honors my marriage bed & husband, but is still enough information to actually be useful? Still navigating that part of having a marriage & sex blog.
I wanted to go ahead & post something, however, that I think is important to consider as higher-drive spouses. And that is Hollywood’s message to us. So many of the women I hear from talk about the surprise and confusion that they encounter when they realize that the man they married is not the way they thought he would be! I understand. And me too.
I think that our culture (and unfortunately our churches & premarital counseling) often set us up for marriage bed challenges when they don’t even mention the possibility of mismatched drives. In either direction, really, but in our case the direction of a wife having the higher drive. Once you discover that your husband has a lower-drive than you, it is so vital to guard your heart and eyes from comparison. Of course this is true in all areas of life, but I think there is a unique way in which higher-drive wives must be cautious. And it’s in the messages that Hollywood sends about men & their sex drives.
Recently my husband and I were watching the new Spiderman movie. And one scene struck me so particularly I actually paused the movie to point it out to my husband.
This scene happens when Spiderman gets wounded & shows up to his girlfriend’s house. Here he is, weary from battle and wounded, when he starts to kiss the fair lady. And I mean kiss her. He means business with this kiss. I had to pause and say to my husband – “See that? That is a subliminal message about a man’s sexual drive. Look at this guy – he is wounded and bleeding and here he is making the moves. Seriously?”
As higher-drive wives we might not even notice that these types of images and scenes bombard us with these messages:Real men are sexually excited & ready all the time
Real men initiate sexual encounters every time
Real men have higher sex drives than their wives
Real men are never tired, depressed, struggling – and if they are, it sure doesn’t affect their desires for sex
The truth is ladies – these messages will do so much damage to your heart and your marriage. So be wise. Be sober-minded. Ask God to reveal to your heart when you are being bombarded, and when you are believing that maybe it’s true. Be willing to accept your husband as he is. With his lower-sex drive and all. Ask God to give you the eyes to see his masculinity, and to praise it. Ask Him to give you the humility and Christ-like love to pursue him sexually. Ask Him to help you not to keep score, or compare.
Praying for you today, dear friends. Praying you would have eyes to see and ears to hear – not the messages of the world but the truth of who Christ is. Praying you will see your husband’s through eyes of love, not comparison. Pray for me too. Pray that I would have the words to say what is in my heart, and that I would be willing to serve the man I have been given to.