Good Monday ladies! My friend Evie is back again today sharing more of her journey of hope as a higher-drive wife. If you haven’t gotten the chance to know her yet, you can read more of her story here, as well as a little more of her experience with some of the nuts & bolts of sex here. Welcome back, Evie, I always love having you!
Hi, again! God is growing me in understanding my high drive design and I just want to share with you some of how I am walking in line with who He made me to be. I shared in the post, Heart Attitude, how I had opted to shut down my drive to match my husbands, only to realize that in doing so I was also shutting down my heart. Confessing this was life giving.
Beyond confession, though, I knew that I had to live differently. To only confess would be to simply acknowledge the truth. Repentance was what I need to do and involves not only confession, but turning away from wrong living. In repentance we find true transformation, we find ourselves being made new. This stuff is all over Scripture, and often sounds very theoretical; however, when repentance and transformation are played out in everyday life, we see how practical they really are.
For me, repentance has meant being open with my husband about my desires and my sexual need. It has meant speaking up when I long for pleasure or a physical connection with him. It means living in step with the truth of my design, rather than shutting down my design and ultimately living a lie. It may not sound like I am “living a lie,” but when my husband asks, “Is there anything I can do for you?” And I say, “No, I’m happy,” but all the while I am aching for him to be intimate with me, that is living a lie.
So, I’ve stepped out there a bit more. I’ve asked for sex. I’ve asked if we could just play around a bit. It has been so good for me and for my heart.
The catch, though, is that I have to respect his response when he shares that he is happy to make me feel good, but does not feel up to getting anywhere himself. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around that he may not be where I am in regards to desire. I often feel like I am self-centered or wrong if I don’t also cause him to “get there.” But the truth is that my pushing for that goal is actually more self- centered than just letting him please me, if that’s what he truly wants. To not allow him that freedom would make him less and less willing to make me happy if he felt pressure to always “get somewhere” himself. So, while I am learning to speak up and share my desires, I also have to balance that with a respect for him to be exactly where he is…allowing him freedom to not feel what I feel.
For the most part, my speaking up, my being free in my design has gone well. I run the risk of rejection every time; however, that is worth it and has been minimal in happening at this point. And often when rejection does happen, it is simply a result of my husband feeling pressure to “get somewhere” himself. The more I free him up to simply please me and be where he is (whether or not it’s the same as where I am), the more he is willing to engage me sexually, knowing he doesn’t have to get anywhere himself.
I share this part of my story, because, like you, I am learning slowly how to embrace my high drive design. I am learning how to walk in line with truth, not living a lie. I am learning how to share that with my husband in a safe and loving way, where he also is freed to live in line with the truth of his design. This transformation in our marriage is being worked out, so I share it with you, in hopes that you, too, will continue to pursue places of transformation in your own marriage.
Thanks for sharing Evie. What about you, friends? Are you learning to embrace your higher drive?
Praying for you ladies this week. I have a lot on my heart to share – still working on that post about seducing your lower-drive husband and hoping to have it up this week. Can’t wait to hear from you on that one too! Please keep me in prayer as I work on it & try to get it done – I need His words, not mine.