Early in my journey of discovering how God made me as a higher-drive wife, I began to read sex & marriage blogs to try to figure out what was happening in my marriage and what I could do to help. Unfortunately, while I did stumble across some well-written and well-meaning blogs, they didn’t ever speak to where I was at.
At the time, it caused me no end of frustration, but looking back I can see some realities that were present in my life that caused me to have a hard time connecting with the blogs that were out there.
1. The blogs/books were written by lower-drive women encouraging other lower-drive women
This fact alone brought a disconnect. While there was so much good to glean, the difference of viewpoint was sometimes too hard to overcome.
2. They were not written (primarily) to sexually broken marriages
I think this is probably the biggest thing I have realized in hindsight. Most marriage & sex blogs are not written to a sexually broken audience. They are written to a sexually struggling audience, but that is not the same thing. I was in a place where I was incredibly hurt, needing counseling and healing – not advice on how to step up my sex drive or rev up my sexual encounters.
One thing that I wish I had known then was this simple truth. When I encounter a blog or book that isn’t speaking to me, I can choose to (kindly) leave it.
Sometimes I would get offended because the bloggers weren’t speaking to my situation. But the truth is that they really weren’t able to – and often what they were writing was the direct opposite of what I needed to hear. But it wasn’t their fault. Far from it – they were writing a good message that someone else needed to hear. But it wasn’t my message, and I needed to learn that. Instead of growing hurt and angry, I needed to say to myself : that isn’t for me.
You too, dear reader, have that power. You can take what speaks to you and leave the rest. If a blogger you love (or don’t love) writes words that are not what you need, say to yourself “that isn’t for me”, and gracefully leave it. Not one single writer can ever cover the complete gamut of relationship advice, and we have to write out of our own lessons and what the Lord is teaching us.
So be gentle, dear reader. Be wise. Learn to appreciate that the message is being read by someone else and ministering to them. And if you can’t ever seem to find a voice that is speaking to you where you are at, pray about starting your own blog – women (and men) may need to hear what you have to say.
Praying for you today, friends. Praying life into your hearts, and strength into your bones. Praying health over you (I am coming through a bout of sickness & I know that is simply miserable). Praying wisdom as you read this blog and others, as books come your way or you pursue them.
Pray for me too. I am not quite over being sick yet and my back is also hurt from who knows what. I am struggling to recover and need to desperately as I have two small ones to chase and love. Pray that I would also continue to be the wife my husband needs as we are in the middle of several life changes. He needs my ear, my heart and my mind to be present and engaged.
Love you, friends. Hoping you hear my story and my heart today.