Today’s post is an excerpt from my guest post with Brad & Kate at One Flesh Marriage.
If you are like me, you remember your wedding day with clarity. Mine was such a precious day – joining myself to the man that I had never believed I would marry. Becoming a wife – a joy I never truly thought I would experience. We came into our marriage as virgins, and I came in with the usual words of wisdom ringing in my ears. “Sex will be a wonderful gift between you and your husband. But be warned – men need sex much, much more than women. So be ready to sacrifice and serve him. Be ready to say yes much more than you probably want to.” The words were communicated in a loving and healthy way, but I still remember struggling with fear. The man I loved was probably going to turn into some sort of sexual beast-monster after marriage! Could I truly handle his incredible needs?
The marriage bed came – full of wonder and bliss. In fact, I loved it so much that during our honeymoon my husband had to say “Can we take a break?” I thought it was an unusual but isolated incident. We came home and set up “real life”, and I found that the “isolated incident” was in fact, a way of life. As weeks turned into months and then years, a definite pattern emerged. I wanted sex often. He didn’t. I felt sex connected us. He felt it was the result of our connection. I wanted us to be intimate after we had been angry with each other. He couldn’t find the emotional reserve to try and sexually connect when we had argued.
I cried so many tears. I heard “no” in one form or another so many times. Sometimes it was said with kindness. Other times it was a simple cold shoulder, a turning of the back. I wondered what was wrong with me – how could I be so sexually driven? Was I unattractive? Was I the sexual beast-monster? I wept for the marriage I had dreamt of, and wasn’t living in…..
Would you like to read more? Come join me at One Flesh Marriage today as I write about what it means to be a higher-drive wife.
Have you come over from One Flesh Marriage today? A few places to start:
Are you a higher-drive wife? A compilation of some helpful posts.