About Me

Hi there! My name is Annabel. I have been married to a wonderful man for around a decade. He is the love of my life & the man I waited for. We have several beautiful children. We live in the midwest United States. We are both in our 30’s.

I love Jesus Christ, I respect my husband, and I am learning how to navigate marriage as a high desire wife. All of the books and marriage resources that encourage the wife to sacrifice herself in order to serve her husband sexually…well, they don’t apply here. I am higher-drive wife, who wants sex more than my husband does. I am more sexually adventurous than my husband. I know what it is to be confused and feel I am (seemingly) different from every other wife on the planet. New studies, however, are showing that perhaps as many as 1 in 4 wives say that they have a higher sex drive than their husbands.

Our marriage has had its ups and downs sexually, but I know what it means to be refused, and to walk with the pain and hurt of those experiences. There is not much place to speak of this in day to day life, so I began writing this blog bring hope and shed light on this much-needed topic. I blog under a pseudonym in order to help protect my marriage & my husband, whom I love with all my heart. He is known on this blog as Mr. Spice – which is, in some ways, a confession of hope and belief. He encouraged me to blog under the name Annabel, which is a Scottish name for “beautiful”.

I pray this blog will be used to create a life-giving community where we find strength, encouragement and wisdom as high desire wives.

Read my first post (which explains a little more about this blog)
Read our story (a little history of Mr. Spice & I…and where we are now)

Feel free to email me at spiceandlove@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you  (although I must warn you I email slowly, so it may take a while to hear back from me).

12 thoughts on “About Me

  1. Hello… I am so sorry for what you are going through. I blog about sexual intimacy in marriage, and I do at times hear from wives who want more sex. I put together a page on my blog that acknowledges the pain that goes with this, and included links to other posts that may be insightful. Here’s the page: http://intimacyinmarriage.com/resources/blogs-and-websites/wives-who-want-more-sex-and-arent-getting-it/

    I think what is particularly painful for you and other wives is that not only are you missing out on all the benefits of sex with your husband, you also are feeling especially alone because possibly no other women in your sphere of influence can relate to what it is like to have a husband who doesn’t want sex. That dynamic right there compounds the loneliness.

    I have a friend who has struggled their entire marriage… her husband has shown so little interest in sex, and she has a fairly high sex drive. It has been heartbreaking, disappointing and infuriating for her.

    I pray your blog draws in other women and that you will feel less alone in navigating this journey…

    My heart goes out to you.

    Julie

    • Julie,

      Thanks so much for the link. I will definitely add it to my marriage resources page. Please keep praying for me as I hope to find God’s words for others in my situation. There is HOPE and LIFE in Christ…irregardless of our circumstances. I have enjoyed your blog in the past & look forward to connecting again soon.

  2. I just came across this blog for the first time and have to tell you I am SO THANKFUL it exists. I love my husband so much (we’ve been married less than 2 years) and I just recently decided that I need to be the one to initiate and make our sex lives adventurous…and prayers about how to do that have just been answered. I LOVE that you’re so positive and focused on what we as wives can do to spice things up – and that it comes from the perspective that our husbands aren’t always on the same page. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE 🙂

  3. I am so glad I found this blog. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me! It seems like everytime I run out of gas, God builds a gas station. That gas station is your blog! I found your blog through a daily blog I love and have grown from–Sheila Gregore. She is awesome!!! Wouldn’t have come this far without her. I have subscribed to this blog and I am so excited! God bless us on our adventures in marriage.

  4. Thankful to have found your blog. I have been married for 23 years (24 in February). I love my husband and I know he loves me but sex is not his priority at all. I have spent many a lonely night in tears because I know it can be so much more than it is. Thankful for others to share with…so sorry we are in this boat together.

  5. Oh, it is so nice to know I’m not the only one!! We’ve been married just over 6 months, so I will be watching closely for advice from people older and wiser than I. I’m very blessed and my husband does enjoy having regular sex, but I kept thinking it was weird that I still wanted it more than he did. Thanks for writing these encouraging words!

  6. Just found your blog and I’m so excited to read more!! We are SO in the same boat and I’m looking forward to reading what you and other’s (via comments) have to say! Whew… I was beginning to think I was the only one out there!

  7. Reknowned sex therapist and marriage counselor David Schnarch says in half of his cases, the husband is the lower drive partner, for what it’s worth.

  8. Good morning Annabel,

    I noticed you haven’t posted in a couple weeks, (which is fine- your marriage and family need to be your first priority, not your blog) but I just wanted you to know that I’m praying for you, whatever you may be going through. I so appreciate this community you have created. God has truly blessed your ministry here as you connect and encourage us “spicy” wives. Do not lose heart! The Creator of the universe has a plan and a purpose for your marriage- and mine.

    Keeping you in my prayers.

  9. I am so thankful that I found your blog. I was searching for answers for the past 20 years of my life, thinking I was not normall and that I should be ashamed of myself for having the higher drive….and I come from a very orthodox society and to even breathe about unmet desires were considered unwomanly if not evil. I felt alone all these years, broken in spirit and wondered why should marriage be even considered when we had to be faithful and yet, live a life of celibacy. My husband is a wonderful man, and I desire him in every way but intimacy has never been his priority. Rarely he compliments me and even leads us into love making. I have had so many men who made advances at me, but it is truly The Lord, who has given me the strength to keep my marriage from infedility. On my own, I don’t have that strength especially it feels like being kept in a show case. I am new to your blog, so will keep on reading and praying, hoping someday, I will return to give you a different story….a story of love and victory in The Lord…Amen.

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