I realized recently that I have been doing my readers a disservice since I haven’t told much of the story of Mr. Spice & I.
We were married somewhere around a decade ago. I quickly came to realize that the way we looked at, approached and desired sex were very different. Much to my initial shame and confusion, I realized that I had the higher sex drive! I was the one who felt like sex was the connecting point, rather than the result of connecting. I was the one who had the broader boundaries on what was sexually adventurous. I was the one who was “pushing” for us to try different positions and different places. My husband has always been an amazing lover. He takes wonderful care of me and isn’t happy with our sexual encounters unless I am happy with them. Still, his drive has always been lower than mine.
On top of the differences in our sexual drives from everything I had always heard, I could not seem to find anyone else who was in my shoes! I felt so alone, so strange, so…broken. I struggled with my feminine heart. I struggled with seeing my husband as a “real man”. I remember trying to cautiously talk to my married friends, trying to “feel out” if they might be in the same shoes. I couldn’t seem to find anyone who was – if anything, the voices were all on the other side.
Fast forward to October of 2012. After a particularly long and painful sexual separation (for reasons I haven’t shared yet), I started this blog on a whim. I had read so many married blogs about sex, which were all good information, just not my story. I was so tired of hearing encouragement to be willing to make love, or try something new, or just say “yes” when I had a headache. My heart cried out for our marriage bed. I had known sexual drought. I had known refusal. And through counseling and other venues I was coming to realize something important – I wasn’t alone. Statistics have pointed out that there may be as many as 1 in 4 couples where the wife has the higher drive.
I wanted to speak into the void. I wanted to speak life and hope not only to other wives, but to my own heart. Some of my early blogs reflect the pain I was feeling when I first began writing. I have thought about taking them down, but I think it’s more honest to leave them up. A few weeks after I started blogging, Mr. Spice and I had a breakthrough conversation. Somehow, through the grace of God and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, I was finally able to really communicate my needs. He was able to really hear my heart. A few weeks after that, I shared with him about this blog. He was gracious enough to say, “Keep blogging, babe. Others need to hear our story. You have a voice that needs to be heard.”
A few months after this blog began, however, I received “the news“. Our marriage almost fell apart. I left this space for over a year, seeking healing for myself and my marriage. In September of 2014 I began blogging again. I have found home…our marriage, and our marriage bed is on the road to wholeness. I am living a story of hope.
So that’s where we are today. So, so much of our story is yet to be told to you. There are deep, dark places that I will one day shed light on. I am not writing from a place of perfection. I am writing from a journey. And on this blog I share my side of the story. Because Mr. Spice’s story is all his own to tell. The places of healing in his own heart belong to him.
So welcome, dear friends. I welcome you if you are, like me, a spicy wife. I welcome you if you are a hurting wife. I welcome you if you are a hurting husband. May we all find the grace and joy in our marriages that will allow them to truly reflect Christ & His Church.