On seducing a lower-drive husband

Earlier this month I wrote about some of my personal goals for the year. One of them was to very intentionally pounce on my husband – seduce the pants off him (literally) and make love to him.

But seducing a lower-drive husband can be quite the different world than seducing a higher-drive one. At least I presume so, because most of the advice I have read on blogs about how to pursue a lower-drive husband sexually don’t really work for my husband. Or at least, they don’t work the same way. My husband is a wonderful man. He finds me attractive. He even enjoys looking at me. But all of that rarely turns into him needing sex as often as I do. And this is something I have heard echoed from many higher-drive wives – their husbands are wonderful men, often great lovers when sex does happen, but they just rarely make it happen.

So how then, does a higher-drive wife go about seducing her man? I want to write a few of my thoughts, but encourage you to take these thoughts and apply them prayerfully in your own life. I am also trying to be very careful not to overshare here – one of the challenges of writing a sex blog! I want to write in a way that encourages you to think, but not in a way that you can picture what might happen between Mr. Spice & I in our own marriage bed. That’s sacred stuff, and, well, the invitation there is only for three (me, my husband & God). So forgive me if this isn’t as loaded with details as you hoped, and feel free to email me if you need further clarification or help. Not that I can promise much, but I will be happy to try & expound if possible.

The first, and most important thing to realize is that you must be a student of your husband. You need to study him, to learn him. Make him your favorite hobby. And you need to keep learning him. We all change, and what worked for him a few years ago might not work now. Or maybe it does. Either way, it’s up to you to dedicate yourself to the study of the man you have chosen.

However, here are a few thoughts that might be of help in your journey towards learning to seduce your man:

1. Remember your husband isn’t you
While we know this cognitively, I think we can often struggle as wives to implement it in sex. What I mean by this statement is this – what turns you on might not turn him on, what gets you going might not get him going. So perhaps you are visual and enjoy seeing him in silk boxers – that doesn’t mean he is visual. So while he might enjoy the sight of you in lingerie, it may not be quite what gets him going. Or maybe you like passionate, deep kissing. A few minutes of that and you are ready to start taking your husband’s clothes off. But that kind of kissing might not be what gets your husband’s engines revving. So often we can approach our husband as we want to be approached, whether that be gently or aggressively. But your husband’s passion buttons might not be the same as yours.

2. Remember your husband isn’t any other man
He isn’t the guy on TV that gets turned on by the mere sight of a scantily clad woman. He isn’t your friend’s husband, who is “ready to go” at the sight of her loading the dishwasher. He is yours. I have struggled in the past with thinking that my husband should be like the men I had seen in movies, or like the men I had read about in books. Ladies, even amazing books on Godly sexual relations might not be how your husband operates. I remember so clearly at one point in our marriage throwing a book across our room in frustration and tears because I just didn’t get it. The way they were describing the man’s sexual drive in that book was not how my husband operated. I was so devastated and disappointed – I felt like something must be wrong with me, with us, with him. I tried to do all in my power to “fix” him by approaching him how those other men seemed to want to be approached. But it never worked – because my husband was not those men. I had to get over it. I had to accept my husband as he was and learn him.

3. If at first you don’t succeed…
What I have discovered in my years of marriage is that my husband doesn’t understand his own sex drive very well. And as the higher-drive spouse and the one who wants us to talk about everything, I often try to ask him questions to draw him out. But he has a hard time answering because he doesn’t know. He often doesn’t understand himself. You know what that means? I have to learn the harder way – by observing. By being brave enough to try something new. By watching his responses over time and keeping a mental log of what worked – and what didn’t. And you know what? I can choose to be selfishly frustrated that he doesn’t respond the way I think he should, or I can love him and accept him the way he is made. My response to his likes and dislikes make all the difference in our sex life.
So what does that mean practically? You just need to try. Try different things and see how he responds. And try asking him (after all is said and done, or at a non-threatening, non-sexual moment) what he prefers. Some of you have married men who might be willing to engage in conversation about this. But even if you don’t, it’s healthy to try to engage in conversation.
Here is a personal exercise for you – go and think about your sexual encounters. Was there anything you can remember that seemed to help him get going? Write it all down. What about turn offs? Is there anything that you have done that seemed to put a damper on things? You might be surprised with what you come up with.
After making your list, try making a list of things you think might help your husband, based on your study of him. And then try those things, and see how he responds. Some things might work, some might not. It’s okay – you are learning your husband.

4. Moving past the theoretical
So, lets get down to the nitty gritty (can’t say that without thinking of the movie”Nacho Libre” – please watch this clip if you haven’t seen it).
Without telling you what my own husband’s buttons are, let me share a few things that you might want to try (or think about) in regards to seducing your own husband.
Kissing – does French kissing help turn him on? Or kissing him in a certain place (his neck, behind his ears, his upper legs, etc.)?
Oral sex – If this is a part of your sexual repertoire, is it something that helps your husband get aroused? Or does it turn him off? Perhaps you love it, but he doesn’t? Or perhaps it’s a great way to help him get his engines revved? Learn your man, ladies. Here is a tutorial for giving oral sex (no pictures, just words) if this is something that might help your marriage bed. And here is a wonderful round-up of a whole slew of information regarding oral sex.
Lingerie – Silk? Lace? High cut? Low neckline? Does a simple but pretty nightgown help turn him on? Or do you need to do something that screams sex – you know, those lingerie garments that are NOT meant to sleep in. Perhaps something a little more “scandalous” would help your husband visually? But make sure you study your man (and talk to him). A good friend of mine has a husband who really doesn’t like lingerie – it reminds him of his former addiction to porn. He prefers her in a tiny bikini. That is what helps get him going. Again, don’t assume your man is like any other here either.
Positioning – Is there a position that helps your husband get aroused? Climbing on top of him while he is lying down? Perhaps lying next to him in bed au naturale? Sitting on his lap? Straddling him?
Talking – Does your husband like it when you talk to him about what you would like to do to him? Or what you would like him to do to you? Is it arousing to him to hear these things, or simply awkward? Does it help him or hinder him?
Touch – Is there is a certain place you can put your hands that help arouse him? Does he like you to rub your body against him like a cat? Or nuzzle his neck with your nose? Or grab his butt? Or anything else? Does he like soft touch, or firm? Does he prefer strokes or scratches? Where are his erogenous zones?
Timing – Does your husband need advanced warning if you are going to seduce him? Or does a surprise work? Does it frustrate him to be interrupted while he is working? Is nighttime better, or morning, or middle of the afternoon? Is sex a gift to him when he is frustrated? Or does he need to be a good mood to enjoy it?

I know these are quite a few questions, but I urge you to spend time thinking about them. I urge you to ask your husband these questions – or perhaps write them down & let him take some time to answer them alone. Some men need time to figure themselves out – by not pressuring them you can give them a great gift, as well as communicate that you love them. If talking about it doesn’t get you too far, then get brave and try. Your husband’s body language and verbal response can be great clues to what might work.

4. A caution
Please don’t think that there is a magical “1,2,3” formula for turning your husband on. There usually isn’t. But there are probably things that help him. Just be careful not to create a formula with whatever you are doing – it will grow dull for both you & him. No one wants to be a simple equation – but we all want to be known. Truly & deeply known. So again, ladies, I urge you. Study your husband. Know him better than any other person on the planet knows him.

I once again want to write to those of my readers who are in a sexless marriage. I grieve with you, and I realize this post probably isn’t going to do you much good. Your marriage needs divine healing, a miracle from God. Keep praying for your husband, dear friend. Keep bringing your marriage bed before God. Seek counsel. Find help. Grieve. Know that you are loved. You are precious to God, and you are welcome here. May God grant you the grace to become more like Jesus through this suffering. May He shower you with His love in such a way that you become all the better for having walked in this valley. Know that I love you & I pray for you often.

I love you ladies. I hope & pray that this post is fodder for the love you have for your husband.


35 thoughts on “On seducing a lower-drive husband

  1. Annabel, thank you so much for sharing. I needed to hear this. My husband and I have had talk after talk, sometimes with me crying and he just doesn’t know and nor do I. But I think the thing you hit on is that I need to continue (forever) studying my husband to know what really gets him going. I’m taking this to heart. Thank you so much.

  2. I really admire what you are doing here. It is wonderful. I’d say my hubby and I are pretty equally matched right now in drive, but I want to hang out and read because there is a uniqueness in your voice, and you are passionate about marriage 🙂

  3. I LOVE your points one and two! And especially the concept of being a student of your own husband. This is so freeing! This has helped me tremendously, because I no longer have to feel that frustration of why we aren’t working like we’re “supposed to” but can instead focus my energy on learning who he is and meet him there. Good stuff!

  4. thanks for your post..I am in a sexless marriage and I grieve everyday..I am just at a loss for words..I just don;t understand..

    • Praying for you today, dear friend. Praying life and truth into your heart & your husband’s heart. Praying for a support system, for wise counsel, for a listening ear and a shoulder you can cry on. Above all, praying that you would encounter Christ in such a powerful way – that He would be the balm of Gilead to soothe your heart.

  5. Great post Annabel. Lots to think about. It does get tiring being the initiator and part of my problem is #2. I think my husband should be a certain way, after all, ALL men want sex ALL the time, so then why doesn’t my husband act that way I may think. I just do not get it.
    I have NEVER denied him which he has told me is amazing because in his first marriage he had to beg for sex and was lucky if it was once a month and he told me once how most men would kill to have a wife who always said yes. So, why?
    I let him see me naked every opportunity and we have always slept in the nude together and often read other bloggers encouraging wives to sleep naked so their husbands cannot help but be turned on and ready to have sex. Not necessarily so for us. So again, I will wonder why is my husband different than what I perceive most men to be like sexually.

    And #3 is important too. In my comment on your last post I talked about learning how often my husband is content to make love, which is about every three-four days, so I have been trying not to initiate any sooner unless I’m just really in need of some loving and then usually he is open to meeting my needs. So, yes studying and learning our husbands is very important too.


    • I hear it all the time too from guys how they’d love a woman like me who never says no. It just makes me feel more unwanted.

      And it’s weird to mention the seeing naked thing. I find it so difficult. I thought sexy lingerie and nudity would turn my husband. I’ve tried all sorts of lingerie from the plain and simple, to cute, to outright racy. My husband doesn’t like any of it, and he’s particularly turned off by seeing me naked.

      I know I’m overweight but it was caused by medication I had to take for a medical condition (would have died without it), and I’ve been working very hard to lose weight and he doesn’t notice even though I’ve lost nearly 20kg (that’s 45 pounds). He just sees me as fat and ugly and doesn’t want to see me. Being naked only puts him off sex. Then again, everything puts him off sex.

      He says he loves me but just constantly crushes my self esteem every day in every way. Constantly rejects sex, doesn’t want to see me naked, but also dismisses everything I have to say about anything. Tells me I’m smart, but then whenever I have opinion on anything, he says it’s stupid.

      I don’t know what to do anymore

      • Broken Wings,

        First, I congratulate you on the weight you have lost – it is hard work. Good job. Second, I think that perhaps, for your marriage, the part of this post that would most apply to you is the final paragraph. It sounds to me like your marriage (from your short comments here) might be in need of intervention and healing. If your husband is telling you that what you say is stupid, and constantly refuses sex – then you have a much bigger problem than a simple difference in sex drives. In fact, I would urge you to ignore this post because the last thing you need to do right now is probably to try and fix your marriage by fixing sex. If there is a counselor or trusted pastor, I would highly recommend you talk to them – even if it isn’t with your husband.

        Praying for you today, sister. Praying life & health & healing into your marriage. Praying for you to see the love of Christ poured out for you on the cross, and to embrace the grace that it brings.

        • Thanks. We’ve been trying counselling. Unfortunately the counsellor thinks his lack of interest is completely normal. Uses incorrect statistics to back up this statement that our lack of sex is normal. I’m a nurse currently but I studied to be a psychologist and relationships and sex were one of my two majors in my psych degree. I know his lack of desire is not normal but counselling has only made things worse sexually not better.

          I moved nearly a thousand miles to live with him. I know no one here. I’ve been struggling with really bad health since getting here so I haven’t actually been to his church since before we were married. And even then only a handful of times while visiting during uni holidays. I’ve been going to bible study group the last few weeks but I don’t even know anyone’s name and its so hard with everyone there very happy and all with babies and/or pregnant. I feel like I don’t belong and none of the women have really made me feel I do.

          I’ve been trying to find a counsellor but I can’t find an affordable one and struggle to even get to medical appointments. I’ve been walking around on a possibly dislocates toe (know the pain because I’ve done it to this toe several times) for six days now because I’ve been too sick with a chest infection for the last few weeks to go see a doctor. I’ve left a big city for a town with doctors and chemists being hard to see and totally unavailable outside of business hours.

          I want to reach out for help to someone at the church but I don’t even know where to start. I do have maybe 8 hours a day where I’m awake and feel somewhat human but its always late afternoon and evening.

          I feel so lost. My husband is good to me in someways. He cares for my daughter. He takes her to school so I can sleep. He plays computer games with her on the weekend so she’ll be somewhat quiet so I can sleep. But I feel like he’s a big kid himself. Always watching cartoons at night instead of coming to bed with me.

          I honestly believe his low drive is merely a symptom of something else. Either low testosterone or depression or he just plain finds me unattractive because of my weight. I think all three. But he just keeps taking any suggestion of there being something wrong with his drive as me accusing him of being a bad person. No matter how I put it. Even tackling it from a professional perspective, explaining to him the symptoms of low testosterone and the ones he has, he is insulted by – even when explaining that it was part of my job until three months ago when I quit due to ill health.

          I know I need to see someone but health and finances seem determined to stop me at least in the short term. I just want to be well enough to get to a doctor to get my toe xrayed and get some more antibiotics. I’m sure I could cope with constant rejection if I wasn’t so exhausted and in pain too

  6. PS Sorry but I don’t think oral sex is necessary the answer even if your husband loves it.

    I wouldn’t know with my husband because we’ve never done it and we’re not going to.

    My first husband bullied me into it and I think it’s an incredibly demeaning, unhygienic, disgusting thing to do. I would rather have no sex than participate in it.

    Thankfully my second husband isn’t interested and I have no plans of accidentally awakening a desire for it by trying it out.

    If other people enjoy it… that’s fine, I have no problem with other people doing it if that’s their thing, but a lot of women do find it a demeaning and/or dirty thing to do and even if there husbands love it, it’s not worth doing if it makes you feel used or even abused to do it.

    • Brokenwings,
      I just wanted to reply to this because I can relate to where you’re coming from regarding oral sex.
      I was in an abusive marriage for twenty years (have been divorced for two years) and I HATED giving oral sex to my ex because he made me feel like I had to do it and then I felt so degraded when I did. And for the record, he never, ever gave me oral but pretty much demanded it from me. And his wanting it stemmed more from his early years of viewing pornography.

      Fast forward to the present. I’ve been remarried for over a year to a wonderful man who does everything to please me both in and out of the bedroom. He never asked at all for me to give him oral sex when we were first married, but has always given it to me and truly enjoys doing it for me. Finally, one night, not long after we were married I decided to give him oral sex and at first was a little hesitant because of my past experience with it. But actually found it amazing to please my husband that way and he enjoys it, but still does not ask me to do it. I do it willingly and almost every time we make love as a form of foreplay.

      So, I think the difference, at least for me, is being in a relationship where I feel safe with my husband to be more open and vulnerable. I did not have that the first time and always felt pressured to do it. But having said that, it is not something that everyone will enjoy and no one should ever be pressured into it.

      Anyway, just my humble thoughts.

    • BW,

      I agree with you completely. If a woman finds oral sex demeaning or abusive, then it is unhealthy and ill-advised. I hope you saw this list for what I meant it to be – questions that each wife should ask herself about her own husband. The answers will be different for each marriage, and that is completely okay.

      I would like to state, however, that I do not think that the act of oral sex is, in and of itself, a dirty and demeaning act. I agree with Amy here that, done in love, it can be beautiful and right. However, that doesn’t mean that all couples should or do engage in it. If it makes one spouse uncomfortable – then by all means refrain! But my encouragement to you is to dig deep into your heart to figure out why you feel the way you do about it. I think it may have less to do with the act, and more to do with the unGodly treatment you received with your first husband. Which doesn’t mean you should now perform oral sex. Not at all. It just probably means your response to the act itself isn’t actually tied to that act. Rape, which is a horrific act, doesn’t mean that sex itself is dirty and wrong. It means that a good thing was horribly used to hurt and destroy.

      All that said, I hope this list is simply a starting point, not an end-all, for ideas on what it means to study and know your husband.

      • Nah, not really to do with my first marriage. Just being in the healthcare industry and working with that “area” quite a bit in the last few years means I find the act of oral sex to be unhygienic and gross. Even after having been washed, still find the germ level too much. When I said “dirty”, I meant the hygiene type of “dirty” mainly. I find receiving oral sex even more dirty and gross, as well as being about as pleasant as a rectal exam. I’ve never understood why any woman would enjoy it. Feel free to delete if that’s too much info for this blog…

        • It’s not too much, it’s just your opinion, which you are certainly entitled too. I am friends with people in that same industry who still participate in and enjoy it (both giving and receiving – some even work in OB/GYN), so I really do think it is to each their own!

          • Totally agree. I work with people that are not put off by anything, and others that pass out at even the sight of certain things. I tend to be more on the germ-phobic end of things. To each their own for sure.

  7. Thanks for giving us lots of angles to look at our spouse’s sexual preferences. I don’t think I’ve looked at things from all of these angles and I think it’s very helpful to do this regularly … otherwise we get lazy and predictable–dare I say it, boring in our sex life! Thanks for your vulnerability here, Annabel, and for linking up with Wedded Wednesday as well! I hope you’ll join me again next week!

  8. A question for you ladies, when you initiate, are you ready to go straight to intercourse after a short amount of time (5-10 minutes) or do you need longer amounts of foreplay as if your husband was initiating? I am slightly higher drive but husband feels like I should take the reins more regarding my pleasure when I desire intimacy sooner. I desire the physical and emotional connection of being intimate but am not necessarily already aroused when I want to initiate. It’s been a struggle explaining this to hubs and figuring out a solution that keeps us both happy. Any suggestions of helping him understand that my desire isn’t solely for intercourse but for the full connection of sex with my spouse?

    • Sameboat,

      Welcome to the blog & so grateful you are here. I wrote a little bit about talking to your husband about sex here : https://spiceandlove.wordpress.com/2012/11/07/havingthetalk/
      One of the things I mentioned was trying to find a way to communicate in his language. Does he love sports? Fixing cars? Technology? It maybe take you a while, but try to think of a way to explain what’s going on with you in a way that he can relate to in his own life.
      Those are a few of my thoughts & I will be happy to chime in again if I have others.

      More than anything, I want you to know I am praying for you today. Praying life and healing into your marriage and marriage bed. May God grant you the wisdom to know where and how to communicate. May He give your husband ears to hear your heart. May He fully restore all that has been lost. May He capture both of your hearts fully.

      Love you, sister –

  9. Wow. I’m reading around here on your blog and it’s the first thing in nine months of marriage that speaks to me on sex. I don’t know, really, who is the higher-drive in our marriage because we’re more sexless than anything else. I have initiated almost every time, but often not because I’ve “felt” like it. It was a decision, a desire for intimacy, or a desire to desire intimacy. I have felt extremely alone in this aspect of our marriage and we have had so many conversations (and sadly, so many arguments) – some that felt helpful, and many that just felt like we’re continuing to bang our heads against a wall. I have struggled (and still do) with feeling so rejected, discouraged, depressed, undesired and frustrated in this – and vulnerable. It bothers him, too, but I see him a bit more like your husband, who doesn’t understand his sex drive very well (he says it’s changed since we got married) and is frustrated trying to put it into words. We also have a language barrier (English-Spanish), which is not often a huge issue, but in matters like these makes clear communication of the heart so challenging. I am having a hard time moving past the grief phase, though I think I’m getting there by God’s grace. We were able to wait until we got married to be sexually intimate with each other, and I never saw signs along the way that this would be a wedge lodged between us – only anticipation. And then, nothing. Anyways… this is long. I just wanted, I think, to say thank you for your transparency and tasteful sharing here. So brave and hopeful.

  10. This is awesome. I m normal after all and there is LOTS of hope for my husband and I. What I take out of the blog is 1. God has been with me the whole time and upon nvitation He will help us work it out. 2. I have been approaching my husband from my point of attraction and not his!!! I will start paying attention. Thanks Annabel

  11. Dear Annabel.
    I read this post of yours and I have a question. But I do not have the courage to spill the beans here. May I have an email adress please?

    • You are welcome to email, but I am in a season where I am slow to respond. However you are welcome to email and I will respond as I am able!

      spiceandlove (at) gmail . com

  12. I just wanted to ask you to pray for me. I am in the stage of ” Something must be wrong with me. He doesn’t want me anymore.” He used to want it all the time. But for the past 3-4 years, it’s been downhill. He’s 50 and I know age affects things, but I don’t think it should be like this. It’s very heartbreaking. I have zero self esteem. Please pray that God will heal this.

  13. Thank you SO much for this post & your blog! I was crying almost every day & feeling so alone in being repeatedly rejected by an apparently virile man after hearing exactly the kinds of messages you talk about my whole life– that he would always want it, and that I would have to do it whether I was in the mood or not to make him happy and keep him from straying. After another rejection last night, I tearfully turned to the internet looking for advice about seducing your husband, and I was so comforted to find your blog. Your advice in this post about studying your husband got me thinking about the times I’d succeeded in getting his motor going, and I realized that I hadn’t even tried putting on any of the “outfits” I know he responds well to in ages and ages. I hopped out of bed to find one, and he said, “What are you doing?” I replied, “I’m trying something.” I dashed to the bathroom & changed, then came back in and asked if he could turn on his light for a moment. He did, looked a little shocked when he saw me, and the mood in the room changed! Within 5 minutes, we were exactly where I’d wanted us to be, and I feel a renewed sense of hope about studying him more deeply and tailoring my approach better to what I know he responds to. It seems so obvious now that I’d been approaching him *my* way, but I needed someone to point it out. Thank you!!!!

  14. Wow. I thought I was one of the only women with a higher drive. I had to get over the expecation and dissapointment of not being able to turn my husband on in the preconceived ways. I felt unwanted, confused and ugly…even though he treated me well and told me I was beautiful, he rarely seemed to want to pursue me to the point of sex. I am trying to learn how to seduce him, not just for my own needs but to keep us close…as we both enjoy sex, though he sees it more as work. Thanks for sharing this, it helps a lot to hear someone encourage me to study my husband individually and accept him right where he is at. After all, that is love. 😀

  15. I have never responded to any blogs or posts anywhere but lately I have found myself in a situation where I’m at a loss and this is the first thing I have read that caught my attention and made me think someone else honestly knows how I feel. For the past three months almost every night I cry until I cannot cry anymore due to feeling unloved and unwanted by my partner, he is 11 years older than me a wonderful man and honestly the man of my dreams but he has low t and no sex drive at all, I’m 28 and always wanting him, my heart is breaking cause of this and I sometimes fear this will break us (well me). Thank you for giving me even a small amount of hope for my relationship, if I could I would give you the biggest hug possible. God bless

  16. Thank you so much for this. The way in which you speak regarding this subject in the godly manner that you do speaks to my heart and I glorify the Lord. Continue to be a vessel, God bless you.

  17. Thank you. I have been married a little over two years and have struggled with the issues that arise from having a higher sex drive, compounded by the rejection i felt from my first husband leaving me for his employee. It is hard not to take my current husband’s lower interest personally and to hesitate after a time to even try approaching him for sex. I have admittedly scoured the internet to find some kind of hope. Your blog is the first I’ve found to put it so honestly yet so tastefully and in genuinely Christian terms. And to acknowledge that not every man is “good to go” with mere visuals is a relief to me and my insecurities in that area. I feel ready to keep trying to understand the man God blessed me with. Thanks again and God bless!

  18. thank you I feel better in knowing I’m not alone. I have blamed myself for a long time. we have both been through a lot we lost 6 people in five 3 yrs ago. also argued over situations. I spent time with a friend off his behind his back as my 32yr old dominoes was dying from brain can. it was not sexual, but he was devastated. I had a long rd. proving it to . him. recently we were in a bad place, and he turned to many friend whom I was helping. she told him lies which again fueledthe fire. mMy self esteem took a beating, as did his. We both used refusal of sex as punishment. we are better, but both situations come up in anger. our love is strong, but we really hurt each other,and our intimacy paid the price.I have been with him since age 17′ weve been married 31 years.I feel closest to himm during love making. however I won’t let go of his betrayal. It hurts I was a virgin when we got together.hope it works. he tells everyone he loves me.Sorry to go on just wanted to let you know it all. We are both catholic Christians.Di

  19. We got married 47 years ago and we did have sex on the wedding night. From then on there has been nothing. He never slept with me or had the desire for intimacy after we were married. He thought it was disgusting and not worth the time and effort. He went on the midnight shift and was never at home with me, this went on till he retired. From then to now he won’t even show his face when I’m near.
    I should have left but didn’t, I was scared and probably a coward. I only have me to blame, I no longer have any sex parts to care.

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